That annoying Hong Kong smoking ban finally hits the lungs of Hong Kong on July 1, 2009. I’m shaken down to my nicotine stained bones. As a smoker, I value being able to walk out of a “pleasure establishment” reeking of tobacco. Now, after the smoking ban, non-smokers won’t stink of my Camel Lights when they exit a bar. They’ll only smell of sweat, hormones and booze.
I’m not alone in my angst. In May, Hong Kong bar workers rallied against the ban for fear their businesses will take a serious dip.
Speaking of dips, I suppose I could always take up chewing tobacco instead.
Maybe its time to breakout the spittoons Wild West style and get to chawin’ pardner! I could just pinch a dip of chew into my lip and let that sweet flavored tobacco take me away to la la nicotine land. One dip can end up feeling like smoking 4 cigs at once (not that I’d know). I could import the stuff and make a fortune. Dip tycoon of Hong Kong is what I’ll be called. Epic.
Ok so I’m disheartened by that pesky lip cancer. But I won’t be messing with electronic cigarettes in Hong Kong because I don’t feel like going directly to jail without passing go.
I suppose I could just quit smoking. Crazy concept I know, but benefits abound with the quitting option. No more stank clothes, no more leaving the bar to take a puff, and no more chewing gum like a fiend throughout a date. Oh yes, and no more huffing and puffing walking up hills in Hong Kong.
Where to light up after the July 1, 2009 Hong Kong smoking ban
On your balcony – Light up before going out, then you have the option of brushing your teeth pre-boozy hookup, thus giving you a better chance at a boozy hookup.
In your bathroom – Don’t feel like stinking up the apartment or giving your neighbors kids an early onset of cancer by smoking on the balcony? Don’t have a balcony? Can’t afford a balcony? Take a seat on The Throne, turn on the fan and puff away.
In a corner on the street – Don’t blow smoke in the faces of people walking or standing around you. You do it even if you’re not trying to. Trust me, I unintentionally blow smoke in people’s faces on a daily basis. So find a nice, dark spot away from the rest of the group and light up to your heart’s (at least what’s left of the black, shriveled olive you now call a heart) content.
Next to a trash can – Always a favorite spot for the Hong Kong smoker because nothing says “Damn I’m cool” like chillin’ by an orange or blue trash can.
In a designated smokers area – Roped off like a herd of diseased swine, smokers can inhale love fumes in specially marked off areas designed specifically with the smoker in mind. If you didn’t stink to high heaven before, you will after.
The Hong Kong smoking ban is here to stay folks. Better get used to it.