Archive for March, 2009

Worst pick up line. So much fail ::

March 30, 2009

Says the drunk Aussie 17 year old to the Asian girl, “You’re not yellow, you’re GOLDEN.”

Fail. 

This falls into the “overheard in Hong Kong” category.

:: Rugby Sevens Hong Kong – Lan Kwai Fong

March 30, 2009

So that was Rugby Sevens. At least, I think it was. Not sure to be honest. I didn’t make it to the actual Rugby part of the weekend, but did partake in the aftermath at LKF on Friday and Saturday nights. Luckily, I didn’t go to Wanchai on Friday for the festivities because a 50 Man Brawl erupted. For those not familiar with what the Rugby Sevens in HK is, here’s a little history lesson. Basically, it is about getting as absolutely plastered as possible at the games, dressing like a buffoon, then taking your buffoon dressed more-than-likely-semi-nude-behind to LKF where the party goes into the morning hours. Sevens started off in the 1970s as a get together put on by some old school rugby players, and it just caught on and got bigger and bigger every year until becoming one of the premier rugby events in the world. There were quite a few Kiwis and Aussies in town for the weekend just for this.

Rugby Sevens Afterparty in Lan Kwai Fong (LKF) Hong Kong

Rugby Sevens Afterparty in Lan Kwai Fong (LKF) Hong Kong

And now for a vid since you’ve been so patient. I’d hold you, but I probably still smell like stale beer.

Crazy Brits, squash, and a foot orgy ::

March 27, 2009

The 100o year old game of racquetball has been butchered by the Brits. If you’ve ever enjoyed a game of racquetball with blue balls flying, intentional shots to the back, and sweaty headbands then you know it is the purest form of the “court sports.” Only the ancient Aztec game of Decapitated Slave Head Footie comes close in terms of intensity, skill and sheer badassery.

Squash.

The only people that could think up such a perversion of racquetball live on an island with shitty weather and nothing better else to do than to screw with perfection. So they shrunk the racquet ball, the racquets, and the court. They also added more rules to the game like pointless lines on the front wall and side wall. The ball is also, for lack of a better word, squashy. Which is where my research has led me to believe the name of the game was derived. I’m still trying to put everything together, so don’t quote me.

Bloody hell. So I played this bloke from work yesterday down at the sporting center in Central Hong Kong. Fellow was quite good twisting me up on the squash court I must say. Had a bloody good serve that I couldn’t hit for the life of me. By jove! I needed a pint after he was finished with me! It was a jolly good time though, regardless of the strained buttox I endured during the last game. Good show for my friend, beating me 8-1, 8-2, 8-2 in three games.

Jolly. Good. Show.

I hate squash. What a dumb name for a game.

Luckily I was able to have some of my beating massaged away at Joy Massage on Caine Road afterwards. I’ve never participated in a foot orgy before. 14 people lined up in chairs with their feet raised and oily, accompanied by the sounds of hands massaging between toes (ick). Toes everywhere, but not a happy ending in sight. For those of you wondering what a “happy ending” is, it is when two people love each other very much and they decide to love each other for very long tine, or at least for the duration of the commercial break during a Chinese TV drama.

After all the intense activities, I needed to harmonize my sausage and stomach with a smooth fruit drink.

Sausage and Stomach Drink

Then it was time for a hike in the boonies, far, far, far from where we were supposed to be. Good thing my sausage was harmonized!

:: goback!sshole

March 25, 2009

Asiaexpat.com is the basic “go to” website for expats living in Asia looking for apartments, to sell their junk, or to meet the love of their life for one night. I’m constantly on there looking for stuff to fill my apartment (rugs, mammals, statues, the usual) and just poked a little fun at one of the people that posted an ad in the classified section trying to sell a phone.

Ad Details
————
osim igogo
in osim 2680hkd
used only once,comeswith extra hydro pad
open for MEANINGFULL OFFERS…
PLEASE NO TIME WASTERS WITH SILLY OFFERS!!!

—————–
(My message to him) March 24/09 6:22PM 

A serious, non-time wasting offer.

I’ll give you $1 HKD for it. 

It is a bit above my price range, but I think this could be worth it.

re:osim igogo
From: grd
Sent: March 25/09 1:20AM

ok…
deal…
i’ll show you what is the meaning of silly and time wasting…
go back!sshole..

Now, I would like to debate what he actually means by “go back!sshole..” Does he mean, “go back to America!” or “go back to asshole?” Interesting. 

I’m such a meanie.

Big Wave Beach Sheko Hong Kong Sunday ::

March 24, 2009

Made a trip out to Big Wave Bay in Sheko on Sunday. Couple beaches out there. Very cool to be in Hong Kong but not in the city. When you typically think of Hong Kong the first thing that springs to mind is, “Holy sh*t, like, big ass buildings and booze.” Low and behold, there are beaches and places to chill and hike.

Big Wave Beach view.

Big Wave Beach view.

Big Wave Beach, Hong Kong

Big Wave Beach, Hong Kong

I lost...again.

I lost...again

what they were taking a pic of, I have no idea

what they were taking a pic of, I have no idea